How To Stop Self-Bullying
Welcome to Awakening to Your Story the place to learn, get inspired and be supported with heart-centered solutions for your everyday life. I am Alicia Hartzell and today we are talking about the bully that lives within each of us.
We all have the inner critic that is constantly pointing out what is wrong with us. It’s original name is Negative Bias and it can be a real Jack-wagon.
Outwardly negative bias is a cognitive function designed to keep you “safe” from predators like lions and tigers and bears, oh my! It scans for everything that is wrong or might go wrong to help you see all the negative things that might lead to getting eaten by said lions, and tigers, and bears. Or in today’s environment to keep you from getting hit by a car or taken advantage of on the street.
When left on autopilot without your conscious awareness to keep it in check, it can end up holding you back and tangled up in everything that is negative. Inwardly it can tear you down, shut you up, and keep you small faster then any outside source ever could. Keeping you small and shut down might keep you “safe” but it also keeps you paralyzed and unable to be a full expression of yourself. It is agonizing to be held down and back by your own mind, when so much of you is being called to rise within yourself and become more of who you really are.
In addition to our own negative bias we also have to contend with other people’s negative bias, limiting beliefs and negative actions and how we interpret and process them internally. We talked about this last week but it is important to mention it again. If someone’s words or actions are triggering negative thoughts and feelings you absolutely have to the power to stop them. No matter what is causing your inner narrator to bully you it is up to you to change the game. Let me say that again. No matter what is causing your inner narrator to bully you only you have the power to change the conversation.
So let’s talk about the how to stop the self-bullying narrator from tearing your down.
Let’s do it in 4 tangible steps: I have added in some practice thoughts as we go through each step.
- Step 1: CATCH IT
Take yourself off of autopilot and really watch your thoughts and pay attention to how you are feeling. Don’t just blindly believe the thoughts that you are having. Instead if a thought doesn’t feel good notice it. Then start to see it as something outside of yourself. “Ooo… that one doesn’t feel good.”
- Step 2: ACKNOWLEDGE IT
Acknowledging it can take away some of its power over you. “I see you, you sneaking little negative bully.” You could even think about where the through originally came from. Was it yours or someone else’s that you adopted? “I know where you came from and I call BS.” You have the power to say no to the thought! “I see you and I say no, you are trying to keep me small and that is not who I want to be or how I want to feel today.”
- Step 3: SHIFT IT
Metacognition allows you to see your thoughts and neuroplasticity allows you to create a new path of thinking. This means you have the power to choose a thought that feels better. Shift from a negative path of thinking to a more positive one, one thought and feeling at a time. “Hey I activate the power to shift gears here. I would rather stand in my power and feel more expansive.” Maybe you put your hand on heart and take some deep breaths and them choose the next thought that feels better. “In this moment I am safe and sound and I have this.”
- Step 4: DOUBLE DOWN ON YOURSELF
It is always a good idea to double down on your own heart and story. Emotional tools and putting yourself in the way of things that help you think and feel from a more positive place are a perfect way to double down on yourself.
You will notice that Awaking to Your Story Emotional Tools weave themselves together to create a net to catch you when you are free-falling through negative thoughts and experiences. But you have to catch yourself and reach for the net/ emotional tools and focus your attention there on the heart-centered solutions.
Emotional Tools to help you quiet the inner bully and catch those negative thoughts:
Emotional Tools to help you find your way back to the positivity of Self-Love
Remember that you get to determine who you want to be and how you want to feel. The path to self-love happens one thought and feeling at a time. You’ve got this and I am here if you have any questions along the way.
So please feel free to reach out to me and let me know what is on your heart by leaving me your comments or questions on the blog or on the video. Subscribe to my emails and my YouTube channel, like and share the video and blog, and until next time know that I am holding a place for you where you are thinking all your thoughts from a place of self-love.
The Starter Kit, Hand Book and Emotional Tool Library are great FREE resources that can help you along the way!
The Emotional Tool Library allows you to pick and choose which tool to focus on according to what is going on in your life. Each video and blog walks you through an emotional tool and how to create a practical application to your situation.
If you enjoy a more hands-on approach the Awaking to Your Story Starter Kit – 3 Tools For Returning To Your Power is filled with exercise, audios, and videos that help step back into your power and map out your emotional heart.
You can also grab a copy of the Awaking to Your Story –Navigating the River of Life Handbook. You can never go wrong knowing where you are on the river of life and having to tools to help you through any turbulent situation. You can use the exercises inside to help you stay focused on your re-patterning process.
