Today’s Question:
Dear Alicia –
I hate to admit this but I am so jealous of the people I see on Instagram and Facebook. So many people have all the things that I want, and it makes me feel like I can’t have it. I don’t like feeling jealous and frustrated when I look at their beautiful posts, but I can’t help it. I feel like I’m on the outside of what I want looking in on other people having it. How do I get over my jealousy of other people? – Signed – Watching From The Outside
My Answer For You:
I could say that it is not about the “perfect images” that people put up on social media. I could also say that you can’t really know what is going on in someone’s life by what they choose to post. I could remind you that you will never really know for sure what is real or scripted in someone’s life by the small window of social media. In fact that doesn’t just apply to social media, it happens with people you know in your everyday life too. The person you see everyday may look like they have it all put together, when really they are battling the same voices in their head that you are, they are just really good at hiding it.
But here is the thing, while everything I just said it true, if you feel like you are on the outside of your desires looking in on other people having them, they won’t help much.
So I want to offer you a different perspective on jealousy and witnessing the very thing you want manifested in someone else’s life.
I am a firm believer that everything that comes into your life is information to serve your higher good. Nothing happens to you, it is all happening for you, with no exception. So when information comes in that creates a negative reaction within you, that reaction is there to help you identify and create langue for two things:
One – The limiting beliefs that are holding you back.
Two – Where it is you want to go.
So if you are seeing something on social media that illicit a reaction, there is no better place to show up and do your heart’s work.
We all want more than we have, it’s part of how we are designed. Desire keeps us reaching and expanding, not just externally but within ourselves. It is in this reaching beyond our current capacity that we detect those limiting beliefs that keep us bound. It is all a process of creation that takes time and attention. When you pivot your point of view inward you have the ability to do your own heart’s work.
When you find yourself looking at that image on social media and you bump up against it and it illicit a reaction of jealousy you run with it. Your focus is on the other people and not having the very thing you want. You let the jealousy highlight the limiting beliefs that fuel the negative voices in your head. Those voices convince you that it is out of your reach. They tell you that because, you don’t have it now, that you will never have it. They tell you that you aren’t worthy of it anyway. Once that negative loop starts, you are left feeling like you are on the outside.
But what if rather than following that reaction down that path of thinking, instead you pivot inward and you use those feeling of jealousy? When you pivot and focus inward you get to let the feelings illustrate your limiting beliefs and pave a path for deeper understanding of your dreams.
Let me explain. Start by making it more neutral. Take the other person or people out of the equation. It is not about them anyway; it is about you, your story, and your ability to return to your truth. By taking them out of the equation you are left with the feelings around the experience.
These feelings illustrate the limiting beliefs that have been running in the background of your life. You said in your question that you feel like you are on the outside looking in and that you can’t have what you want. Those feelings illustrate the limiting beliefs that say, “I am on the outside and can’t have what I want.” These limiting beliefs were handed down to you by other people or picked up through challenging situations from your past. They are not fundamental to your being.
Now there are lots of ways to shift limiting beliefs. In the Awaking to Your Story Starter Kit and the Awakening to Your Story book we do a lot of origin story work around these limiting beliefs. We go through exercise and re-patterning back to your truth. If you want to dig deeper into that work you can find them on the website.
For now you can just notice the limiting belief for what it is, a handed down beliefs that is separate from you. Those negative voices in your head that chant the limiting beliefs at you, they are not your own.
From there you get to get curious about your truth. Look to see if you can uncover it for yourself. Your truth is usually the opposite of what is limiting you. So for you it could be: I am on the inside included and fully able to have what I want.
You can tweak it to find what really sets your heart free.
Then rather than following those negative voices down a path that feels bad, you get to follow a new path. Once you find that truth; I am on the inside of my dream and fully able to have what I want, the next thing is to build up the langue for what you want.
Remember it is a creative process that takes time and attention. It happens one thought at a time. So without those nagging limiting voices, you get to daydream about how it feels to live that life you want. Write about it, meditate on it, let it tickle your soul and feel good as it circles through your mind. All the while holding to the truth that you are on the inside able to have what you want.
When you use your feeling to help you illustrate where you are and where you want to go you no longer have to follow the negative voices in your head. You have productive actions you can take with your thoughts instead.
As you do this kind of re-patterning, when you see those posts on social media, they become reminders to plug into your truth. They help you see that if someone can create it then you can create it too. You start to believe you are closer than you think. With each thought more aligned with your truth, fear falls away and you start to feel better.
So it’s not as much about getting over the jealousy as it is using it to help you build up your truth and your dream. Remember all of those things you want, are part of a creation process. The reality in front of you is simply a culmination of where your thoughts and feelings have been. You are always in a stage of creating, so keep those thoughts focused on your truth and the source energy of love that runs through them.
Remember with time and attention you can create anything. You are on the inside creating it all into reality. I want you to know it is possible. Even if it isn’t yet fully realized, you absolutely can have it. So stay focused, and remember you are worthy of having your dream come to life.
Know that until next time I am holding a place of love for you where all your desires being fully realized, well they are undeniable.
As you watch the video or listen to the podcast version, know that I holding a place of love for you where your path to your truth is undeniable.
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