Today’s Question:
Dear Alicia –
I have been trying to figure out why I feel so small all of the time. I think it has to do with not feeling like I have value, because I don’t bring home a paycheck. My husband would never put that on me, but if I am honest it is how I feel. How do I stop feeling inconsequential and invaluable because I don’t bring home a paycheck? – Wanting to Know My Worth
My Answer For You:
Let’s get down to the bottom of these negative feelings that tether and bind your worth with conditions. Because anytime you say I must feel, be, have, or act a particular way to be valuable or consequential, you are absolutely putting conditions on your worth and your worthiness.
When your worth is dependent on bring home a paycheck, that dependency is a condition you have attached to your worth. Anytime you make your worth dependent on an external factor, you are setting yourself on a fear driven thought process. This kind of thought process is always going to be out of alignment with the divine source energy within you.
These conditions can be positive or negative, but they are still conditions that keep you separated from your truth. The negative say I am not if I don’t and the positive say I am so I must be.
So if you are like our tribe member who wrote in, you are saying I am not worthy because I don’t bring in money. It doesn’t feel good, because you diminish your worth because of that external factor. Let’s go the other side of the pendulum so you get the bigger picture. What if you really prided yourself on how much money you brought home. You put all your value and worth into this external part of your life. It really feels good in the moment but what if that external factor changes? What then?
Any condition you place on your worthiness hands over your power to that condition.
Your worthiness is fundamental to you, just as your divine essential truth if fundamental to you. Just in case you don’t know or need a reminder; your divine essential truth is the never-changing, north start to your humanity. It is one of those divine threads of truth that were woven into your humanity by your divinity.
When you are out of alignment with these truths you feel that inner resistance. That resistant feeling that sets the seeker in you into action, it is doing its job. It is indicating to you that you are out of alignment and something is off track. Remember, your truth is always going to lead you back into that place of alignment, and these indicators are designed to help get you there.
Releasing Conditions:
Finding your way back to your essential truth, your fundamental worthiness, and your unequivocal value… is a journey. And it is a journey you take one thought at a time. Now there are endless ways do this and endless tools to use along the way. All of them are valuable and it’s a matter of what feels good and helps you in each moment.
My “go to” when it comes to conditions is to set my inner seeker on a mission to find any limiting beliefs that may be working in the background. If you are holding a condition on something like your worth, there is absolutely a limiting belief working against your truth and play out in your thoughts. These are beliefs contradict your truth, and because of that, they limit your capacity of heart. These are usually beliefs you have picked up from other people or experiences you have had along your life.
Now a belief is just a thought you think over and over again. If a person who was suffering handed you a thought, it embodies their suffering. Thoughts like these contradiction to your essential truth. When you adopt other peoples suffering or limiting beliefs they will always contradict your essential truth.
You have picked up hundreds of these limiting beliefs along they way. They hide in your thoughts directing your life. The great news is that your inner truth is always going to work to get your attention. That feeling of being small that you felt, it didn’t feel good. It felt off and that is why you paid attention to it. That off feeling was a byproduct of a limiting belief working in the background in contradiction to your essential truth.
There is usually an origin story for where you picked up these limiting beliefs and adopted them as your own. The language your inner seeker and curiosity finds about the present moment will help to illustrate that origin story.
In your case you are looking to find where or who put condition on your worth when it comes to money. You also used the words small and inconsequential. These are the kind of words that illustrate the feelings that are parts of the origin story. Now keep in mind this is just one condition you are working to pull off of your worthiness. There may be others there too and they will come down as you find them. Just keep holding that seekers curiosity and work on them as they come up.
As you look to find that origin story, ask yourself these questions and then let your curiosity come at it from every direction.
- When was the first time I felt these feelings?
- When was the first time I felt like my worth was tied to money?
- When was the first time I felt small or inconsequential?
- When do I remember feeling valued because of money or a paycheck?
- Did someone in my life get praised for the money they brought in while I was not?
We dig into this very work in the Awakening to Your Story the book and Awaking to Your Story – Starter Kit. Both walk you step by step through a helpful process. So if you need more help in this area, check out those two resources.
Now when you find that origin story you get to use it to remove the conditions that someone else put on your worthiness, heal the moments that you picked up the limiting beliefs, and re-pattern your thoughts to align with your truth. As you re-pattern those thought, you build a new belief about your worthiness. You get to start reaching for thought like:
- I am worthy no matter what.
- My worthiness is fundamental to me and is not tied to any condition of my humanity or anyone else’s humanity.
- I don’t have to work for my value and worth, I have it just by being me.
- No one else can determine my worth or value because that come from within me.
- My divinity wove my worthiness right into my humanity and I cannot do anything to separate myself from it.
- The worthiness of me, the worthiness of me, the worthiness of me, it is like a song to my soul.
Each thought helps you fortify your belief in your worthiness. As you keep incrementally reaching for thoughts about your worth that feel better and more aligned with your truth, you will find that it become harder to listen to the lies of the limiting beliefs that echo in your head. The more you focus on your divine worth and essential truth, the harder it will be to see yourself as small or inconsequential.
No matter how you choose to start taking condition off of your worthiness I want to champion you along the way. Keep listening to that inner voice of curiosity that is leading you back into alignment. Keep seeking and know that the answers will come to you, as you are ready for them.
As you watch the video or listen to the podcast version, know that I holding a place of love for you where your path to your truth is undeniable.
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