Today’s Question:
Dear Alicia –
I am really lonely. I even feel it when I am around the few people that I have in my life. Then when I flip through social media, it all feels like things I can’t have and relationships that feel out of reach. How do I stop the loneliness and make life feel more full? Signed – Longing for Connection
My Answer For You:
Let me start by reassuring you that while the loneliness may feel palpable in this moment, you are not alone in any of this messy human experience. I have been where you are, and if I can walk this path from loneliness to a fullness of life I know that you can too.
I want to offer you 5 ideas to transform loneliness and disconnection
- A Misconception That Might Be Holding You Back
- Creation As A Process
- The power of Your Thoughts and Feelings
- Incremental Movement Forward
- Focus and Momentum
While these perspective-shifting ideas will work wonders for the feeling of loneliness, they don’t stop there. They can help you find your way from any problem to the solution, from the challenge to desire, from the limiting beliefs back to the love within your essential truth.
1- A Misconception That Might Be Holding You Back
There is a miss conception that has you believing your desires are suppose to manifest as quickly as you thought of them. When the reality is that each present moment is the culmination of focused energy from past moments. Now maybe this miss conception is fueled because the magic of social media, movies, and TV make it all look so easy. You witness a desire turning into a reality in an instant, without seeing all of the past moments that created the space for it to become reality.
Witnessing this miss conceived, spontaneous manifestation of desire lends itself to two very different paths of thoughts that can easily take over.
When you see your desire burst into reality in someone else’s life or on social media you:
- Allow it fortifies your own desire, helping you know that in time it too can be a reality for you. It almost acts like a permission slip to help you stay focused as you create it for yourself.
- Feel bad about yourself, because you are not there yet. This drives you farther and farther from it because all you can think about is how you don’t have it yet or may never have it at all. This pulls your focus from the desire and places it on separation.
This might be part of the reason why social media is feeling like its full of the things you can’t have and relationships that feel out of reach. You see them and rather than encouraging you to keep creating, all you can see is what you don’t have in this moment.
2- Creation As A Process
Each and every moment is a culmination of focused energy from past moments. Your thoughts and feeling create the reality you see before. That makes you a creator. Let that soak in… You ARE a creator. All of the divine laws dance with your humanity allowing you to create life as you see it unfold before you.
Oh I can hear it now… “I wouldn’t choose to create loneliness or the lack, or challenge or struggle.” Let me explain. The part of you aligned with your divine essential truth would not choose to create that, but there is a part of you that is holding onto handed down limiting beliefs. That part of you has been holding your thoughts and attention and has been working in the background to create this moment that you are experiencing.
From a young age you are trained to focus on the reality of the moment, rather than on your process of creation. This kind of training keeps you stuck feeling like your present moment is everything. From there you don’t want to focus outside of that reality; you would rather hold it, justify it, and focus on all the reasons it is the reality that it is.
The problem is this kind of focus keeps you creating the same thing over and over again.
When you look at your life from the eyes of a creator you see the value in each step of the process. That struggle, or challenge it becomes a tool to help you create. You see the value in the contrast between the struggle and the desire because it gives you language for what you want.
Each thought that you choose is a building block that helps you create the very thing you want. It all takes time because it is a building and creating process; you were never meant to make that desire come out of thin air.
That loneliness that caused you to ask for connection is your tool. It doesn’t mean connection is supposed to drop out of the sky in this moment. Nor does it mean that because you don’t see it in reality right now, you will never have it or that it is off limits to you. It is simply a tool in your creation process.
3- The Power Of Your Thoughts And Feelings
Your thoughts and feelings are both an indictor for where you are and are the fuel to take you where you want to go.
As a side note all self help philosophies, practices and tools are really good for helping you decipher and fully understand the power of your thoughts and feelings. I say throw the kitchen sink at it. Whatever works for you, works for you. With curiosity try everything on till you find your best fit for that moment.
- Thoughts and Feelings As An Indicator:
Your thoughts and feelings perfectly illustrate where you are and where you want to go. They give language to your desires and help you take down any limiting beliefs that may be standing in your way. But you have to use them as the tool they were designed to be on this creative process.
So rather than letting the feeling keep you in a repetitive place of suffering, you have to use them to build langue for what you want. Then you can also use them to help you find any of the limiting beliefs that are ready to be re-patterned back to you truth.
Those thoughts and feelings of loneliness, rather than thinking them over and over again, use them to help you find what you want. What does connection look like, feel like, or sound like to you. When you dream of a full life and connected relationships does it tickle your soul, make your heart explode or feel like a big hug. Think about it, dream about it, write about it, and visualize it as if it is happening right now.
If you get stuck, see if there is a limiting belief holding you back. Maybe there is one saying “I am not worthy of connection that’s real” or “Connection is off limits for me.” If you happen to find one, then your next job is to see it as the limiting belief that it is, and let it help you find your truth.
That limiting belief is something someone handed down to you. Waiting on the other side is your truth; fundamental and full of divine source energy. It could be something like; “My worth is not contingent on any external experience because my worthiness is fundamental to me” or “There is nothing off limits to me.” We do in-depth work on this very thing in the Awakening to Your Story Starter Kit so if you feel like you need more help here you can grab your starter kit on the website.
- Thoughts And Feelings As Fuel:
Wherever your thoughts and feelings are fuels you forward. It is these thoughts that build your next moment and experience. So, you want to make sure they are fueling your desire, not the suffering. This is a huge part of the creation process. Choose each thought from the desire not from the reality you are experiencing in a moment of suffering.
4- Incremental Movement Forward
If you feel like you are getting caught up in the old thoughts or feeling, all you need to do is choose one thought that feels better than where you are right now. Incremental movement is better than no movement. Remember creative process, one thought and feeling that builds on another thought and feeling, that is all you have to shoot for in any given moment.
If you have been sitting in the loneliness for a long time and you just found out you have been holding onto a limiting belief, it might be hard to reach for your essential truth and really feel like it is true. So choose a thought that feels better than where you are.
Maybe think of a positive cellular memory. These are memories that hold the powerful positive energy from the moment they were created. You can also reach for on of your favorite things. It is one incremental thought at a time.
5- Focus And Momentum:
As you keep reaching for thoughts that feel better, your focus shifts to your desires. Focus is a huge part of creation because it helps you stay the course. With each thought directed by that focused you start to build momentum to the very thing you want. Momentum is really hard to stop, which is why you must put all your energy in building it up in the direction of your desires.
Remember each thought and feeling pulls your focus to either the desire or the suffering that set the desire into motion. That incremental movement will build and become easier to choose the more you choose it. Those thoughts and feelings of connection will become second nature to you. You will start to see little connections here and there. Then you will start to feel a deepening connection within yourself and that will call in a deepening connection to the world around you. Before you know it, you will step back and see that you incrementally created a life full of connection.
Remember are not alone in any of this. You can do it, one thought at a time.
Until next time, know that I am holding a place of love for you where your power to create that life full of connection is undeniable.
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