Today’s Question:
Dear Alicia –
Love feels out of reach for me. I really want to be in a loving relationship, but they always seem to feel all messed up. And then if it does feel good I seem to push it away. How do I get the love I want? – Signed – Longing to Be Loved
My Answer For You:
To everyone who is not quite getting the love experience their heart wants, you are not alone and I am here to remind you that you are designed to bring that dream you have of love, into reality. So if you are in search of a love relationship or if you are in a relationship, but the love isn’t showing up the way you want it to, this episode is all about you.
1st THING IT TAKES: Shifting your focus and taking out blame. Let’s start by making sure your focus is on your own heart and story. The tendency is to make the things happening in our lives, about other people. Like saying they do not love me in the way I want, or it’s their fault I don’t have the love I want.
When you are focused on the other person you are focused on something you can’t and won’t ever be able to change. Your own heart is the center of your story and more importantly the key to having your desires. As you start to pull your focus back to center, try releasing any blame that may show up, because it is not about fault or blame. It is about discovery and creation within your own story and this takes us to number 2.
2nd THING IT TAKES: Knowing where you are in relationship to the 4 important factors at play.
- Your heart
- Your desires
- Your limiting beliefs
- Your Suffering
Your emotional heart is not only your center; it is the culmination of your divine and essential truth. All of the divine love, truth, magic and wonder were woven right into your humanity, and are held within your heart space. It is connected to and flows along with the source energy of life.
Your desires are the very things you want. These are the things within you that are longing to be created, set into motion and brought to life. They are usually just out of your current capacity of heart. A desire sets a creation processes into motion, taking you on a journey of moving beyond limiting beliefs and broadening your capacity of heart to hold space for the desire to become reality. For you it is love and love in the form of relationship. And it is the same for anything else you long to create within your life.
Your limiting beliefs are the beliefs you picked up that contradict your essential truth. They can be hand-me-downs from other people or they can be remnants of circumstance that went wrong. They become the voices in your head that hold you back, try to make you believe you are not worthy, capable, or deserving. Limiting beliefs often work in the background keep your desires just out of your reach.
Your suffering comes from the contrast between what you want and what your limiting beliefs are telling you can have. The limiting beliefs hold you in resistance to the divine truth within you. The great news is that the suffering you are experiencing in the present moment is there to help you create language around both the desire and the limiting beliefs that are holding you back. That out of reach or messed up feeling you have around love is the contrast trying to help you illustrate and better understand what is holding you back and where you want to go.
When you can see all 4 factors at work and how they are playing against or with each other you can start to use them for the tools that they are. Letting that suffering lead you to the very language that will set your heart free, and shift those limiting beliefs back to your essential truth, helps you create the capacity to hold those desires. We look at this part in great detail in the Awaking to Your Story Starter Kit. You can find it on the website if you extra help in this area.
3rd THING IT TAKES: Knowing what you want and knowing your worthiness of it.
Often people with a desire know more about:
- The suffering they are experiencing because they don’t have it yet
- What they don’t have
- Why they don’t have it
- That they may never have it
Than they know about the desire itself:
- How it feels
- What it looks like
- How worthy they are of having it
- The wonder and joy woven into it
It is an easy loop to find yourself in because your thoughts have been highlighting the limiting beliefs for so long. This is why you must start spending time building up your relationship to your desire. Do you remember when I said desire sets you into creation process? That is because you have to start creating a path of thought beyond the limiting beliefs, right to your desire. But here is the kicker; you have to know it better than you know the limiting beliefs and suffering that caused you to set the desire into motion.
Think about it from every direction. For you it is about love. Love has been out of reach and messed up for you because of past circumstances and limiting beliefs have you convinced that is the way love works for you. Oh, but your truth is in there under all the limitation, and it’s calling you to dream a new love into existence, one that is aligned with the divine source energy within you. But you must know it better than the suffering.
You must feel it out, dream about it, write about it and start to feel it within yourself. Put yourself in the way of those feelings as much as you can. Watch movies that evoke or remind you of them, or read books that do the same. All the while knowing that you are worthy of having and creating the very thing you want. If a voice of limiting beliefs comes in, you must know your worth and meet it with a thought more aligned with your truth.
As you start to build a relationship and ownership for the love you desire, you will start to notice it within yourself. Those things about love that tickle your soul and that you long to create with anther, they will start to rise within you. Notice them as they bloom inside of your heart and mind. Then start to pay attention because as you own them internally you will start to see that love reflected back to you in the world around you. Witnessing and appreciating it within your own heart and out in the world, helps you fortify it as your new reality of love. And before you know it that love relationship you want will be knocking at the door of your heart.
Remember getting the love you want is a creation process that takes time an attention. Know that the love you desire is possible. So stay focused, remember all the parts at play, and keep building on what you believe love can be and your worthiness of having it.
And know that until next time I am holding a place of love for you where all your desires about love are fully realized and undeniable.
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