Today’s Question:
Dear Alicia –
I hate my body. When I look in the mirror all I see is my faults. Sometimes I can ignore them or look past them, and other times I just want to jump out of my own skin. I want to love myself or at least accept myself, and my body, but I don’t know how. How do I stop the voices of self-hatred and shame running through my head? – Seeking Self-love
My Answer For You:
Body shaming and self-hatred is some of the worst kind of suffering. That loop in your head, once it starts, can be relentless. I know this because I have been there, squeezing parts of body with disdain, wishing I were different, unable see beyond my hang ups. I have even had family member point out my very weakness with laughter and disgust to try to make their own body suffering lessen. It’s a super painful when you get trapped in self-hatred and body shaming loop of thinking.
Here is the thing; you are not your body. You have a body and you also have a relationship with that body.
Anytime something is out of alignment with that divine source energy within you, it causes you suffering and resistance. Now suffering and resistance can happen in every type of relationship. But when it happens with yourself and your body it carries even more volume.
Let’s try to cut through some of that suffering with wiliness, curiosity and focus. We are going to start by taking a closer look at what you want. Beyond all the pain in the note you wrote, you want to stop the voices of self–hatred and shame and find your way to self-love.
So I want to talk about what it takes to get to self-love.
The 3 things that will help you get to self-love:
- Understanding what the negative voices in your head actually are.
- Understanding the purpose behind the negative voices in your head.
- Understanding what it really means to have what you want.
So lets take a look at these three things up close and personal.
Understanding what the negative voices in your head are-
The negative voices in your head feed you limiting beliefs. These are echoes of other peoples’ handed-down suffering that you picked up or are remnants of challenging circumstances you survive along your life. These negative voices are fueled by fear and are always in resistance to the divine source energy of love that was woven into your humanity.
These voices are not yours. Oh, they may sound like you and you might have been the one to adopt them as your own, but they are not fundamental to your being. As you start to see them for what they are you get the chance to make them neutral. This offers you some relief from the suffering they cause. Even more relief comes when you put them to use.
Understanding the purpose behind the negative voices in your head-
These negative voices actually have a purpose. They are not designed to take hold of your mind and pull you into the gutter of suffering. They are designed to help you create language and illustrate both the limiting beliefs that no longer serve you and your true desire. But you have to use them as the tool that they are, rather than believe them and let them tell you where to go.
You can really feel contrast between the negative voices in your head fueled by the limiting beliefs and your desires fueled by your divine essential truth. You have to use that contrast, call out both sides for what they are. Identify and give specific language to the suffering, seeing that it is something outside of yourself, see it as something you adopted from someone else.
Then you gotta give language to the desire and I mean really build on it. This leads us to number 3 but before we get to number 3 if you need more help using the limiting beliefs we go through this in great detail with lots of exercise in the Awaking to Your Story Starter Kit and you can always grab your kit on the website.
Understanding what it really means to have what you want-
While those negative voices were trying to get your attention, they had a lot of airtime. This means you are going to have to spend some quality time building up thoughts about the very thing that you want. I mean it is time to take a deep dive! What would it mean to love and accept yourself and your body? What would it be like if you were your own best friend? What would the voices in your head sound like then? Don’t worry if it feels a little foreign to you. Remember this is all a process. It is time to think about what self-love and acceptance feels like and looks like on you.
How would you hold your body, treat your body if you loved it as much as you love your very best friend? Keep dreaming of what a healthy relationship with your body looks like in real life. What are the first things you need to bring in as gifts to your body: kindness, compassion, understanding, appreciation or love?
You get the picture right? Write about it, day dream about it, talk to your in real life with best friend.
You get to self-love one thought at a time. Remember getting to self-love and moving beyond the shame is a creation process it takes time and attention. Try to take out the judgment if a negative thought sneaks in. Just see it as an indicator of where you need to adjust your focus, and then re-adjust until you find a thought that feels more aligned with the self-love of your desires.
You can do this; you can bring more love into your story and create a healthy relationship with your body. Not only can you do this, you were designed to do this.
Know that until next time I am holding a place of love for you where your self-love and healthy relationship with your body are undeniable.
As you watch the video or listen to the podcast version, know that I holding a place of love for you where your path to your truth is undeniable.
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