Today we are talking about what happens when other people’s action lead to self-bullying. It accidentally happens more then you may think.
I got a comment on one of my videos that got me thinking. They had started to feel like they were somehow a bad person simply because they kept getting excluded. As I replied to them I could see that it wasn’t just the feelings of being left out that could lead a person to a pattern of self-bullying.
Just because it’s easy to take other people’s negative actions and allow them to become a point of reference in our life doesn’t make it right.
Here are a few examples of other people’s actions that might be contributing to self-bullying:
- Excluding you
- Shaming you
- Making you feel small
- Tearing you down
- Judging you
- Pointing out something negative about you
It is so important to watch how other people’s actions make you feel and then realize you have a choice and power over how you internalize it all.
People will disappoint you, they are going to project their own stuff on you, and act out in ways that show their own limitation. That is just part of this messiness we call being human. BUT you always have a choice! You absolutely get to choose how you internalize it all. You also have the power to choose how you want to feel and who you want to be on the other side of the situation.
You don’t have to let how someone else shows up determine how & what you think about yourself.
It is way more likely that the person from the comment is not actually a bad person, but that their feelings of exclusion have convinced them that there must be something wrong with them if they are being excluded. One negative self thought leads to another and before you know it they start to believe they are a bad person.
And let me tell you that kind of thinking is a slippery slop. When that kind of self-doubt sneaks in self-bullying thoughts becomes easier to reach for and believe.
If someone’s words or actions trigger negative thoughts and feelings within you, you have the power to stop them in their tracks. You don’t have to believe the negative bullying thoughts that run through your head, and you certainly don’t have to make them your point of identification.
Instead you have the power to active self-love. Shift your point of reference back to your own heart and story and then watch your thoughts without judgment and with lots of curiosity.
When you choose to see the bullying thought for what it is, you take away most of its power. Then you double down and choose thoughts of self-love. You focus on your unconditional worthiness, value and significance. You choose to see what working in your life and choose to focus on what feels good. You activate gratitude and start focusing your heart and attention there for as long as you can.
And if you have a hard time do that, then put yourself in front of as much external impute that helps you focus there. Videos, music, getting out in nature or doing things that tickle your soul and make you happy.
Your path from the self-bullying to self-love happens one thought and feeling at a time. Support your self-love focus by putting yourself in the way of things feel good, foster optimism, and boost your over all wellbeing.
Until text time know that I am holding a place for you where the voice of self-love is so much louder and stronger then those bullying voices.
