There are so many places that love is expressed and created in our lives. When you feel like you aren’t getting the love you want it can leave the door open for self-doubt and it can start to chip away at what you believe about your worth, value and significance.
Whether you are looking for more love in your love relationship, friendships, partnerships, family dynamics, or even just cultivating more self-love; these 3 steps will help you create and receive the love you want in your life.
First here are a couple things to keep in mind when it comes to getting the love you want. *Not everyone will be able to love you the way you want to be loved. That person you want to love you, in that particular way… Well they might not have the capacity of heart to show up in that way, and the reality is that it’s ok. Even if it doesn’t feel ok right now as you shift your perspective and take these 3 steps, you will find that it is actually more then ok, it’s serving your higher good.
*Someone inability to love you doesn’t say anything about you. I want to say that again because it is important and “getting it” can be a game changer. If someone can’t love you the way you want them to love you, it doesn’t say anything about you. Your job isn’t to force them into showing up the way you want them to show up. And it is not your job to take their limitation on as your own. It is also not your job to doubt yourself because of their limitation. Someone’s inability to love you doesn’t determine your worth, value or significance.
Your job IS to tend to your own heart. It is also your job to use the information in front of you to help you grow, evolve, and to expand your own capacity of heart. << Here is a video that will help you understand all the parts of your emotional heart and how it all works together>> In tending to your own heart the love you want will absolutely show up.
*Ok one more thing before we get into the steps. It’s not just about getting the love you want; it is about creating the love you want. Can you feel the difference? When you focus on “getting” your focus is still locked onto someone else. There is not a lot of power there. You can’t make someone love you, the way you want to be loved. Sure you can try and it might even work for a little while, but in the long run it isn’t sustainable. Now when you focus on creating the love you want… there is endless power there! You have the power to create it within yourself. In focusing and creating it there first, you open the door for it to be easily co-created with another person.
So with that let’s look at the steps!
3 Steps To Creating and Getting the Love You Want:
- Shift Your Focus Back To Your Heart
- Define And Create Ownership For What You Want
- Establish Your Worthiness Of Having It
Step One: Shift Your Focus Back To Your Own Heart.
I will always advocate for you to bring it back to your own heart and story. That’s way it’s called Awakening to Your Story… It’s fundamentally where you have power. Everything that happens in your life is a reflection of what is going on within your own emotional heart. Your thoughts and beliefs all start with your emotional heart.
The tendency is to look outside of yourself and hold your focus there. You hope to find validation for yourself through someone else. You compare yourself to other people. You classify and categorize yourself in relationship to the people you see out in the world. And the kicker to that one is that you only see a very small part of their reality.
When you are in relationship with someone but not getting the love you want, it’s easy to fall into that same tendency of making it about the other person. After all they are the one who doesn’t love you the way you want and deserve to be loved. It’s about them… it’s about what they could do differently… it’s how they are wronging you by holding the love you want hostage.
For those of you who are not yet in the relationship, but are hoping to get the love you want from someone down the road… If you look back at your focus you will probably find that it has not been on your own heart but on what you don’t yet have.
No matter what scenario you are in the middle of, if you aren’t getting the love you want then it’s time to shift your focus back to your heart!
I want you to know these are not just words to me. Everything I am telling you I found the hard way, by living and learning through my personal experiences. I have been in codependent relationships. I have been in verbally, physically and sexually abusive relationships. I have been in relationship with necessities and people have held love hostage from me. And in those moments I wanted to make it about them so badly… and in doing so, I perpetuated my own suffering.
But I always had more power then I gave myself credit for. In those moments I couldn’t utilize my power because my focus was on them, and there is no power for me there…. There is only power for me in my heart and story…. And that is why I am advocating for you to bring it back to your heart and story. I want you to rise into that intimate place of power in within your own heart.
STEP ONE ACTION: Watch your thoughts and feelings. When you notice yourself focusing on “them” just witness it and make the conscious choice to bring it back to your own heart. Slow and steady, one thought and feeling at a time you start to rebuild that connection to your own heart. << This video on optimism practices can help you build up a bank of positive things linked to your own heart and story. >> That way you have some strong things to shift your attention to when you are bringing it back to your own heart.
Statements like this can help you shift in the moment:
It’s not about them it’s about my heart.
If I have to choose a thought about them or about me… it’s time to choose me.
I have no power in that thought… So I will choose a thought that offers me power.
Just remember that the shift to your heart happens one thought and feeling at a time…
Step Two: Define And Create Ownership For What You Want.
Now that you have shifted your focus back to your heart and your story, the fun part begins! The part where you get to daydream about what you want. You get to activate your prefrontal cortex and have a higher perspective thought party. You read that right! Give yourself a thought party!
Let yourself go there with all that you are. Let different scenarios play out in your mind’s eye like you are watching a movie, where you are the main character getting what you want. Don’t get attached to the way any one thing shows up, just let it flow with joy and enthusiasm.
Let your heart go all the way into the depths of the experience. Let it wash over you as if it is happening right now. Doing this allows it to happen within every cell of your being. You are creating it within your higher-level thinking and imagination. When you do that, you build cellular links to knowing it. You are teaching yourself to experience it and building the belief that it is indeed possible.
Remember it is not about what is, it is about what is possible. And if you can dream it, feel it, own it, and hold that space of basking in it… then you are making a path for it to come right to you.
If you haven’t noticed when left unchecked, your mind will take you all sorts of places. Usually it’s places you have been that need adjusting. But the reality is you have power over your mind. You have the ability to choose where you focus. So start focusing those thoughts on where you want to go.
STEP TWO ACTION: Create time and space in your day to daydream about the love you want. It helps to set aside a time that feels easy everyday, that way you build a pattern for yourself. If you are a morning person then build some sacred time for daydreaming into your morning routine. If you are a night owl then carve out some time in the evening. Set a timer and let your mind run wild with all that is possible!
Consistency makes a big difference, so gift yourself thought parties as often as possible.
Step Three: Establish Your Worthiness Of Having It.
I know this one sounds like a given, but so often you find ourselves replaying thoughts that contradict your worth. And those thoughts keep the very thing you want outside of your experience. You may read this and think of course I am worthy of having the love I want. But then you go and think 10 thoughts, that if you are paying attention, actual chip away at the one that says you’re worthy.
Your emotional heart holds both your essential truth and your limiting beliefs. << This video helps map out your emotional heart>> Listen you are not alone. We all have sneaky limiting beliefs that try to convince us we are not worthy of having the things we want. Other people’s voices that we accidentally adopt say all sorts of things in the background of your thinking… Well now it’s time to call them out and put something truer in it’s place.
Your worthiness doesn’t come from an outside source. It comes from deep within your being. Now there are endless ways of expressing and defining this next part. So feel free to use my language or filter your own right over mine. Your divinity, the part of your being connected to source, set your humanity into motion. You came here to create and experience as a human being, but it’s your divinity that came first. No matter how messy your humanity may get at times, your divinity is constant. It is that divine part of you that holds your essential truth and that is where you find your worthiness.
To establish your worth you must turn inward and see past the messy human parts of your experience and sit in the stillness of what you are. It is there that you will feel the significance of your being. It is there, in that light of your divinity, that anything is possible. Your lineage is of divine love; omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent. As you take that back into your humanity you will start to see just how valuable your unique expression of life is to all of us at the table of humanity. You are the only you that this world will ever know. You didn’t come here to judge or compare yourself to others you can here to create. And as you create you have endless divine power moving through you and that linage of love behind you.
So as you establish your worthiness of having the love you want in your life you have to think beyond your messy humaneness. You have to focus on that place within in your being that says you were designed to have it. You have to claim that as your undeniable truth. You have to know it more then you know the limitation. You have to think about it more then anything else.
STEP THREE ACTION: Connect to your divine worthiness. Build a relationship with that divine part of you that set your life into motion. Fall in love there, with the lineage of love and all the light woven through you. Then from that filter look out into your life and say what it is you want out of love. Do this daily, make it a practice. Then as you hold that place, watch for the love to flow into your life.
