Today we are talking about how to overcome perfectionism. After doing the video and blog about your power of choice I got a request to talk about the mindset of perfectionism and how to cope with how it robs you and paralyzes you from moving forward.
Perfectionism is a multifaceted topic. The viewer wrote in about three facets that were troubling them.
- Perfectionism makes it hard to get started because the expectations feel unattainable. This is the idea that it has to be perfect out of the gate or nothing at all.
- Perfectionism robs you of motivation when you feel you aren’t reaching the expected milestone or getting the external validation.
- Perfectionism leading you into a comparison game that makes you feel bad about your personal timeline and then makes you doubt your ability to even reach your goal.
I want to share some heart-centered ideas that will help with each of these and many more. But if you need additional help around a different facet please feel free to write in and tell me where you are in relationship to perfectionism, and we will work to find you a heart-centered solution for your specific situation.
No matter what part of perfectionism you face, it can feel like a thief and a bully that is woven into the way you perceive the world around you, how you think about yourself, and can determine how you feel. In many ways it feels like this thing inside you that you have to fight against.
It is important to understand that according to your negative bias and amygdala “safe” is associated with fight, flight or freeze and has nothing to do with that higher level thinking, creating, or solution oriented perspective on a situation.
Without your conscious awareness activated to help you sort though the thoughts, “safe” in this kind of situation mean safe from the possibility of failure, comparison, self judgment. It also mean “safe” from the adventure of trying, finding your own version of success, the joy in finding solutions, the freedom of creating your own timeline, and the endless positive possibilities that wait you if you try.
So when the voice of perfectionism scans a situation it sound like:
- “Don’t even bother starting because you won’t be able to get it right.”
- “If you don’t get it just right it’s not worth doing at all.”
- “Do you really think you can meet that expectation? So why bother?”
- “You haven’t even done that part yet, I mean what’s the point in even trying?”
- “No one has even noticed what you are doing or told you that you’re doing well so does it even matter?”
- “You can’t do it as well as them so you might as well stop.”
- “They did it faster and better then you and you are never going to be as good as them so just quit.”
When thoughts like these show up you can take direction of them or you can instead direct them to a heart-centered path.
The heart-centered path is to activate your metacognition and really pause and watch those thoughts and call them out for what they are. Then use them as an indicator to check in with yourself. The three places I would check are:
- Your Point Of Reference
- Where You Are On The Time Line Of Your Story – Mindfulness & Mental Emotional Time Travel
- Your Power To Choose Your Thoughts
Let’s take a closer look at each one of these.
When checking your point of reference here is a good question to ask yourself: “Is my point of reference on an external factor or is it on my own heart, being, and consciousness aka my place of inner alignment?”
If your point of reference is out there on other people, a particular timeline, outcome, external validation, or way of comparing yourself to someone else, then you are not in a place of inner alignment. This makes it way easier for your negative bias to kick in and activate its way of scanning.
When you get yourself into a place of inner alignment you gift yourself the ability to quiet all that external chaos down. This slows down your negative bias and helps you disengage your amygdala. You allow yourself to come back to a place of conscious awareness and engage your prefrontal cortex. From this place everything feel a little bit more possible because this is where your higher level- solution oriented thinking happens.
When checking your to see where you are on the time line of your story a good question to as yourself is: “Am I worried about something in the future or held back from something in the past or am I allowing myself to be solid in the present moment?”
When dealing with the filter of perfectionism it’s so easy to be jerked around on the time line of your story. Your negative bias wants to pull you into the past and jerk you into the future rather then allowing you to find your mindful-center in the present moment. *Please watch the video or read the blog about Mental Emotional Time Travel and Mindfulness.
When you get yourself to that place in the present moment it also gifts you the opportunity to quiet the internal and external chaos down. Just like when you find your state of inner alignment you make more room for the higher level- solution oriented thinking to happen.
A great question to ask yourself to activate your power of choice is: “Which path of thought am I on verses which path of thought do I want to be on?”
I think by now it’s obvious that the filter of perfectionism leads you down the Jellyfish Beach path of thinking. One thought and feeling at a time you end up suffering a little more. The beauty is that you always have the power to choose which path of thinking you take. So if you find yourself on the Jellyfish Beach path of thinking you can take yourself back down to the base of the dune and get neutral and then choose a thought from the Pina Colada path of thinking. * Please watch the reference video to better understand the analogy.
One thought and one feeling at a time you find yourself making room to feel better. You find that you can reach of one next logical step at a time and eventually you will reach for an inspired thought that will lead to an inspired action. Before you know it you are making your way, allowing whatever it was that you were creating to emerge through your aligned state of being.
Remember EVERYTHING happens one thought and feeling at a time. It’s ok if it takes time to get the hang of it. With every thought you have a new chance to try.
Get into your own alignment, be mindful, and choose your thoughts from that heart-centered place and that perfectionism filter won’t stand a chance.
Let me know if you have questions, I am here to help.
Subscribe to my emails and my YouTube channel, like and share the video and blog, and until next time, know I am holding a place of love for you where you have the power over your mind and story.
