Welcome to Awakening to Your Story the place to learn, get inspired and be supported with heart-centered solutions for your everyday life.
This Week’s Dear Alicia Question:
My relationship recently ended and I am hurt and confused and feel all mixed up about myself. My heart feels broken and the sadness feels overwhelming. How do I get over this breakup? Can you please help me figure out where to go from here?
So many of us have been broken hearted for one reason or another, so today we are going to be talking about breakups, and how to deal with relationships ending from a heart-centered place. Keep in mind that this can also be applied to the ending of any kind of relationship not just someone you’re dating.
There are lots of things I want to share in response to this question. The people we choose to create love with have such a lasting impact on our hearts and our personal belief systems because they connect to such a deep place within our emotional hearts and are a mirror to the inner parts of our being. For better or worse what we create together echoes throughout our story.
Now there are a couple things I want to remind you of before we jump in:
First thing to remember is that feelings are super valuable, both the positive and the negative. You don’t want to try to bypass them or numb yourself out to them, but you also don’t have to just blindly follow them either.
If you are in a state of being overwhelmed by your feelings of sadness then it’s a good indicator that you aren’t just feeling the feelings you are following them wherever they take you. Think of it like your mind is on autopilot and the sadness has taken over your thoughts and focus. Maybe it’s time to slow down and take yourself off autopilot and tap into what the feelings are trying to show you.
Bringing conscious awareness to your power to see your thoughts (also known as metacognition) and your power to choose your thoughts and where you focus your attention, can give you some relief form that sense of being overwhelmed.
Second is to remember that moving and evolving through something like this usually has a more sustainable outcome then the notion of getting over it. I know it’s a subtle shift in thinking but it can have a dramatic impact on how you feel. When you try to get over it you usually end up trying to bypass the feelings and information that is designed to help you move forward, and often you end up right back where you started.
So with both of those things in mind let’s talk about ways to navigate your post breakup heart.
When you’re ready to start shifting your thoughts and moving and evolving through this moment of heartache I want you to keep these things in mind.
- Every relationship is an opportunity to learn about your heart and every person that comes into your life can be seen as a gift.
- Take time to figure out both your positive and negative takeaways from the relationship.
- In the story of your life some people are designed to be long-term people and some people are designed to be short-term people.
- Always make sure to double check your Point Of Reference
Let’s look at each one a little closer.
Every relationship is an opportunity to learn about your heart and every person that comes into your life can be seen as a gift.
This idea comes from a higher-level, big picture place of thinking. And it is a profound way to see and interact with the world around you. When you can take yourself off of that autopilot-breakup-survival line of thinking and start to activate a positive sense of curiosity instead, you can begin to make room for ideas like this.
If you can start to look at each person as a gift and then understand that this gift can help you learn more about your own heart, then even when it ends, what you created with that person can still echo through your story as a positive contribution to who you are.
The relationship you had with that person was an opportunity for the two of you to create in a way that you couldn’t on your own. The unique experience you had together is filled with powerful information about your own heart.
You can take that even deeper and realize that every person you come in contact with is a reflection of a part of your own heart. From a stranger you interact with on the street to a boyfriend or girlfriend, it is all an opportunity to understand your own heart a little bit better. With this outlook both the positive and negative interaction with this person can become gift to you and your relationship to your own heart and story. After all the relationship you have with yourself is the longest one you will have.
That leads us to the next idea.
Take time to figure out both your positive and negative takeaways from the relationship.
This helps you put the first idea into action. When you can scan through the relationship from that higher-level thinking and find the things that worked and didn’t work then all of a sudden you are creating an opportunity for your personal evolution.
Ideas to get your curiosity started:
- This worked and was a win and in my next relationship I want more of that.
- I liked who I was and how I showed up in this way or that way.
- I didn’t like that part of how we interacted and want to learn how to do better the next time around.
- If I’m honest with myself I wish this could have been different.
Take the time to call out the wins, evolution, what worked and didn’t work so that you have it in the forefront of your mind. Figure out how you might have contributed to the dynamic that wasn’t working and learn the tools you need to make the shift for yourself. This will help you in your next relationship.
In the story of your life some people are designed to be long-term people and some people are designed to be short-term people. Remember both are a gift.
When you enter into a relationship with someone you don’t think of the ending. When you come to the end of a relationship it helps to know some people are meant to stay for longer then others. Time doesn’t determine the impact and value-add someone has on your life. Long-term and short-term people both have beautiful and powerful impacts on your life.
The reality is you are designed to create all sorts of different kinds of love relationships with different kinds of people. You may create love from passion or friendship. You may find some love relationships are hard while others are easy. Some love relationships with feel light and some will take you to the deepest parts of yourself. Some relationships are meant to be long term and others short term.
Not every person is designed to be in your life for the long haul and that’s ok. Trying to make a short-term person a long-term person in your life can cause you extra heartache. Finding a way to allow the person to exit with the same kind of purpose that they entered helps you come back to your heart.
That leads us to the next thought.
Double-check your Point Of Reference.
So often in a breakup you accidentally allow your point of reference to shift off your own heart and story onto the other person. Their absence shoots them into main character status in your story. When they become your point of reference your thoughts keep you focused on them; what they are thinking, what they did in the relationship, or who you are in relationship to them. The problem with this is that you only have autonomy over your heart and story so when your focus is on them you are focused on something you have zero ability to shift or change.
Another things that can happen when your point of reference is off in a breakup is that you can take on a negative inner dialog about yourself. If the breakup has caused any kind of “less than” thinking then your point of reference is probably on them and not on your own heart. If your inner narrator is at all bullying then it’s time to check your point of reference.
Using your Point of Reference as an emotional tool can really help so I will leave it right here for you to reference.There is so much more that can be said but I suggest starting there. The end of a relationship is hard. Just know that it is also an opportunity to build trust in your own heart and story, which is beautiful.
So keep bringing it back on your own emotional heart, and building and fortifying that long-term relationship you have with yourself.
I am here if you need any help along the way. Leave any of your questions and comment on the video or this blog and let me know where your heart is in it all.
Subscribe to my emails and my YouTube channel, like and share the video and blog, and until next time, know I am holding a place of love for you, where your is on the mend.
