Today we are taking Valentine’s Day back:
- If you are single and feeling the FMO
- If you are with someone who isn’t meeting your expectations
- If your heart just feels a little extra tender these days
- If you just want to know more about the evolution of the holiday
- If you want to know how to create more love in your life
I am here to tell you that Valentine’s Day can be whatever you want it to be!
Let’s unlock the power you have over Valentine’s Day by looking at its evolution and what it actually does to your brain and emotional heart!
The sappy, Hallmark drenched day that is filled with hearts and chocolates didn’t start out that way!
The ancient Romans can be linked to the first notions of Valentine’s Day. Emperor Claudius II executed multiple men who were named Valentine on Feb. 14 of different years in the 3rd century A.D. Claudius outlawed all marriages and engagements in an attempt to build his army.
Valentine realized the injustice and continued to perform marriages for people in secret. When he was discovered he was scented to a brutal and public death. Before his death he wrote an encouraging note to the jailer’s daughter and was said to sign it “From Your Valentine.”
Others Valentines who were put to death were a priest in Rome and a bishop in what is now Italy.
It was the Catholic Church that then honored their martyrdom with the celebration of St. Valentine’s Day.
Just think about that for a second… it was a day to honor people who had been executed. The tradition of writing notes of love and messages of encouragement, or poetry can be tied to that last note of Valentine’s before he died.
Eventually, the tradition made its way to the New World. With the industrial revolution factories stated manufacturing cards. It was in 1913 that Hallmark Cards of Kansas City, began mass-producing valentines, and the holiday has never been the same.
If the Catholic church and a paper company can shape the holiday then you absolutely have the power to shape it for yourself.
The writers of a popular TV shows did just that. Amy Pohler changed the Valentine’s game when she celebrated Galentine’s Day on the show Parks and Recreation in 2010. It was a day designated for women to celebrate all their women friends. It is still celebrated on social media to this day.
In my early 20s one of my closest friends decided to change the holiday completely. Her husband was kind of a dope about it all, I was single and her daughter was single and she cleverly rebranded Feb 14th
as National Cherry Pie Eating Day. We would make all sorts of cherry pies and after a delicious dinner we would bring out the cute plates and dish out the cherry pie. That went on for over a decade and we all loved it. It was a refreshing change with all the love and celebration and without all expectations of Valentine’s Day.
Now I like to think of it as the Day O’ LOVE which is all part of the Season O’ LOVE. You know how much I advocate for your heart, heart centered solutions, self love and love in general. So you can imagine what a kick I get out of this time of year. Because of how I choose to focus on the “love and emotional heart” part of the whole day it brings me as much joy as Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Now if my husband could define the day it would be the day of chocolate. And actually that is all he requested this year. He just wants all of the chocolate!
I am telling you Valentine’s Day can be ANYTHING you want it to be! And here is a fun reality; Valentine’s Day will be exactly what you focus your attention on and where you put your heart.
Now there can be some pain points and some pretty wonderful things associated with the holiday.
Negative Parts Of Valentine’s Day: Being disappointment because other people are not meeting your expectations. Feeling excluded because you don’t have the one special person to shower you in love.
If you focus all of your attention on the expectations you have on others to make the day something for you and they fall short, that will be what your Valentine’s Day is all about. If you focus your attention on being excluded and left out somehow, then that will be what the day will be for you. If you focus on how stupid the day is because of all the lost and disappointing moments of your past then you are doomed to carry that with you into another day.
Positive Parts Of Valentine’s Day: Expressing love, creativity, and appreciation are all wonderful. It’s always brilliant to create joyful moments with people you love or care about.
If you focus your attention on the joy of creating and expressing yourself with the freedom of it being about your own heart, then it’s really easy to get lost in the delight of the day. If you focus on all of the things you appreciate, are grateful for, and love within your life, then that will be the day that unfolds for you. If you focus on how full your own cup is and you reach out to others through that filter of abundance of love, then that will be the kind of day that you co-create with the world around you.
And all of that is true on Valentine’s Day but also every other day too.
Did you know that your brain actually benefits as much from giving as it does from receiving love? Think about that in contrast to carrying negative feeling around about Valentine’s Day. It’s all a choice. If you redefine Valentine’s Day and shift your perspective then you have the power to benefit your own heart and mind.
So all of those feel good vibes that you really want someone else to provide for you this Valentine’s Day, they come from chemicals in your brain. And you actually have the power to create those chemicals for yourself.
You know me I love how the brain and emotional heart all work together! The power of your thoughts and focus are just amazing to me. Have you ever heard of DOSE? It’s an acronym for the chemicals of the brain; Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphins. Those are the chemicals behind all those expressions of love that makes Valentine’s Day feel so good.
Dopamine is in charge of the little happy feelings; anticipation, instant gratification and moving you forward one fleeting feeling at a time.
Oxytocin is in charge of feeling valued and appreciated, positive social interactions, empathy, trust, feeling bonded and close to others, friendship, lasting feelings of calm and even boosts your immune system.
Serotonin is in charge of your feel good mood, pride, loyalty, accomplishments, and recognition from others. It also builds up two sided of a social dynamic. Like a parent to be the best they can and a child to excel under that experience.
Endorphins are in charge of masking pain and discomfort. They are released as a pain response. That’s why exercise helps you feel better. Belly laughing where you muscles are contracted also activate endorphins as does cold showers in the morning.
So keep all of this in mind as you take back Valentine’s Day. You have the power to activate all of those chemicals in your brain without relying on someone else to do anything for you. Again it all comes down to where you focus your attention.
Get creative and give the love that you, yourself want to receive. The process of creating those expressions of love will activate Dopamine. Focusing on the sentiment woven through them will activate Oxytocin. The action of giving them to the person you care for will activate the Serotonin. And if you want the Endorphins you’ll have to physical walk it over to them or belly laugh over it together once it’s all said and done.
I just want you to know that you have a choice to feel good this Valentine’s Day. No matter how it shakes out, you have the power to redefine what the day means to you. You have the power to make it feel as good as you want it to!
You always have a Valentine in me. I see you, I value you, and I am so grateful that you are who you are in this wild world of ours.
