On Saturday February 13th I joined Oprah for her Your Life In Focus – Be The Love You Need virtual event with WW. I have to say that I miss her Super Soul events and platform so much, but she is a Super Soul herself and I appreciate being able to learn in whatever space she creates.
Today we are going to look at some of my highlights and takeaways from the 2 hour event, because it fits in so perfectly with our Month O’ LOVE.
Since this was part of the WW platform the emphasis leaned towards the relationship you have with food and your body. Full disclosure I don’t use WW but I have friends who over the years have found it to be a wonderful tool. That being said, I fully believe that when someone with a heart as focused on truth as Oprah, holds space to learn, it’s usually a good idea to show up.
So we are digging into some of what Jennifer Garner, Dr. Shefali, and Oprah herself say about creating a space of love and for love in your life. As we look back at the event I am focusing on Being The Love You Need through the broader leans of your heart and story. After all loving yourself is a revolution.
Oprah started out the morning talking about worthiness. “Realizing you are worthy of putting yourself back on your list is a profound expression of being the love you need.” This has always resonated deep within my being as truth. I know for a long time we (especially women) have been conditioned to put everyone else’s needs before our own. And this action is actually a detriment to everyone involved.
If you are one of those people who has fallen off of the list of things that need to be taken care of, just imagine what kind of room that shift in perspective might offer you. If your emotional cup felt more full, your capacity would absolutely expand. If you were to feel worthy of being taken care of how might your life change?
Oprah then took that idea of worthiness even deep and focused on your relationship with yourself. She said, “Real love, the truest and purest, starts within you.” And I completely agree. Taking the action of love myself enough to make your own wellbeing a priority changed my life.
Oprah put like this, “It is the work of your life to heal yourself enough, to give yourself the love that you need.” That is so much of what we do here at Awakening to Your Story, healing and finding your way back to the power woven within your own heart and story. That’s what I teach because that’s what I have done for over 20 years… been on that journey of healing myself and coming back to the love within.
Oprah also talked about becoming your own best friends. “Creating a stronger, healthier more connected life begins by becoming your own best friend.” She offered these 4 questions to help you check in on that very powerful relationship:
- Are you able to bring yourself joy?
- Can you be your own solace? (Comfort or consolation in a time of distress or sadness.)
- Can you offer yourself comfort rather then criticism?
- Can you treat yourself with reverence and compassion?
Here are my 4 additional questions:
- Are you listening with curiosity to that inner voice or do you shut it down and push beyond it?
- Does the voice in your head feel like an enemy or like a best friend who wants the best for you?
- Does your heart feel full or like it’s running on empty?
- Are you checking in with yourself everyday making sure you have what you need to be emotionally, mentally, and physically ok or even better then ok?
So do any of these feel absurd or out of reach to you or do they feel like a good reminder? These questions are such an interesting place to check in with yourself and get a feel for where you are.
Now each conversation Oprah had with her guest really focused on their tips to building that inner relationship. Let’s look at some of the things Jennifer Garner and Dr. Shefali discussed with Oprah.
Jennifer Garner’s message of wisdom was all about taking guilt out of the equations, and I couldn’t have loved it more. When she is feeling overwhelmed she puts herself first by saying, “You don’t have to be everything to everyone. One step at a time, never hurry never worry, and go gentle on your self.” She thinks removing guilt from the situation is a big step that you can really implement in your daily life.
Something that you can do to love yourself a little more to day is to train your brain to be gentle. When that guilt or negative self-talk that starts to creep in Jennifer and Oprah suggest immediately focusing on being gentle with yourself and reaching for one of Jen’s thoughts.
- You don’t have to be everything to everyone.
- Take it one step at a time.
- Never hurry never worry.
- Go gentle on yourself.
I love this idea and often talk about reaching for thoughts that feel better. This idea that you can train your brain is one that we focus on a lot.
Next she opened up a conversation with Dr. Shefali, who I could listen to for hours. If you have not read her books or followed her on social media I highly recommend it. I was lucky enough to see her speak live and her light, truth, and ability to articulate it clearly are pure magic on all fronts.
She believes that this conversation about being the LOVE you need is one of the most profound and pivotal conversations we can have. She said, “Not being this kind of love is the ultimate cause of our human suffering.”
She then went on to talk about the childhood abduction of our authentic selves in this way:
“As children we were raised to be puppets, minions, and solders in our parents’ and cultures’ army. To fit into the boxes that they imposed on us, and because of this we gave up our authentic self. We suppressed our truth. We became anything they wanted us to be… And so we split off from this inner truth, inner knowing, and inner connectivity. And this abduction from the true self actually creates shame within us, this guilt to be our true selves….It is in our emotional DNA to be lost to ourselves. So we have shame now when we want to reclaim that true self. This radical awakening that we need to go through is this euphony that this true self is a stranger to us, and we have been looking for her or him through our food, our lovers, our children, though our beauty, through our body.” Then Oprah chimed in, “through our things, the acquisition of our things.”
Think about that for a moment. If you look back without blame and just scan your childhood I’m sure so much of this explanation rings true. We slowly loose ourselves at the hands of other people’s expectations and limiting thinking. Whether you are still in your childhood or youth or you are far beyond it looking back, the desire to be your true self always burns within you. That inner child that represents your true self always wants to be set free.
On this platform I often talk about coming home to your truth, pealing back the handed down limiting beliefs, and awaking to your story because that is what I did and still do everyday of my life. On that journey inward I feel in love with my heart, my story, and my truth. I also fell in love with the process of learning and discovering.
Curiosity is one of my favorite aspects of my true self and I know it’s woven into all of us. That’s why I like sharing and teaching you to look at everything in your life as useful information, all designed to help you come back home to your truth.
Oprah says she knows for sure, “The universe, the forces of life are always trying to guide you to your best self. That is why you are here.”
Dr. Shefali says, “In order to be the love we need we need to endorse ourselves more then any other. We need to care about out intimate communion with our voice more then another’s voice. Our approval of our self matters more then another’s. And when we arrive at this place this radically awakened place now we are ready to embrace our sovereign truth… Real awakening comes when we change that inner tape and disrupt those patterns.”
I wholeheartedly believe in this idea and try to each this in so many ways in all my content. You have to be your own point of reference first, because that’s where the real power for you is. Disrupting those limiting, handed down patterns of thinking! It’s a big heck yes for me always!
Dr. Shefali says you can honor your worth by asking yourself this one very important question: Does this match how I truly wish to feel?
Turning inward and checking in with your inner voices and letting go of what others have put on you gives you the opportunity to align with who you truly are. So activate that curiosity and ask does this thought, choice, yes, no, action, decision, perspective, person, place, thing or idea match how I truly wish to feel?
Holding that question close to your heart and at the forefront of your mind has the power to change everything for you. It’s the perfect gatekeeper for your mind, heart and being.
So as you go through your day being the love you need, think about these things:
- Focus on owning your worth and becoming your own best friend.
- Remember to be gentle with yourself and remove guilt from the equations.
- Stay curious and remember that changing the inner tape and interrupting the old patterns of thinking are a profound act of self love.
- Ask yourself, does this match how I truly wish to feel?
